Sustainable Motivation and Your Why

Karen Benoy Preston 0:01

If your why is rooted in external motivation, fear or scarcity, then it may not be sustainable. There was something more internal that motivated you, and when we can find that source, that's the magic, that's the sustainability.

Wendy Roop 0:21

Okay, welcome back everybody to Culture. Is an Inside Job, scott and Karen. Great to see your faces, as always, always, always, before we hit record. One of these days, these bloopers are going to make it out to everybody else, but anyway, before we hit record, we were just talking about you know. Wait, before we hit record, we were just talking about you know wait, should we hit record? We already did.

Karen Benoy Preston 0:49

We are not on record. Yeah, we are. I don't see record. Oh, there, we are sweet, we got bloopers, okay sorry, I love it.

Wendy Roop 0:58

That's a good blooper right there. We're just rolling with it. We're rolling with it it Anyhow. But we were talking about so at the time that we're recording this. It's at the end of the year, right, we're in November. People might listen to this. Might be January by the time it gets to them. But we were just talking about the importance of talk. Keep talking about the same things and please excuse me, anyhow, um, karen, take it away pass, pass the mic.

Karen Benoy Preston 1:31

Okay, I got it. Here we go. Uh gosh, this is ridiculous. We were. We were talking about the importance of reflection yes, thank you and how.

Karen Benoy Preston 1:41

When we don't do it which most of us don't do it well enough, and we'll talk about what that looks like but when we don't do it, what can happen is can oftentimes be very expensive, it can be very challenging and even traumatic. So think about, in the corporate world right now, where the environment typically is very head down, very focused At the November time of the year, if your end of your fiscal year is the end of December, you pushing, pushing, you're pushing your people, you're being pushed. There's just a significant push. At the same time, we're trying to wind down and ramp up now for 2025, right? So all of this is this constant pressure, and so we're in this pressure. Well, what does that? What's the difference? The game changer here would be to stop, believe it or not? Ironically, to stop and get the data. Now, let's think about that. When we're in these performance evaluation cycles, we're looking at it as a year. How do you hold on to a year's worth of data for your staff? If you've waited a year, it's probably too late For your own self and your values and how you're showing up in this organization, and either you're aligned or not. If you're waiting for a year, you know what data have you been missing along the way. That's the point I'm saying. It could be very costly, it could be very traumatic. It's very challenging.

The STOP Method for Self-Reflection

Karen Benoy Preston 3:23

So what's the difference here is to be able to stop and actually take note of what just happened, reflect back on this week what worked, what didn't work, what resources were we leveraging? What would we want more of? What did we? What would we want more of? What did we? What were we willing to forego? What were we using a lot of and, based on that data, what do we need to do differently now, next week, and if we can stay really laser focused, in that it's allowing us to reflect back and be future fit.

Karen Benoy Preston 4:01

But it's what's giving us that pause to be more present, more potential in the moment. And that's where we shatter glass ceilings on outcomes. We are pulling from our purpose instead of pushing toward that goal, and we're taking the data that we have. That is much more easy to manage because we're getting it in a shorter span of time, that we now have the ability to tweak and pivot when we we can't tweak and pivot after a year's worth of data. This is when we call change management right, you're on fire, I'm on fire, I am. I'm like, can you tell you're?

Wendy Roop 4:43

literally on fire, no, so so I I want to lean into Scott with this from a, especially because you know, karen, you were even using the example of you know in corporate and so forth.

Wendy Roop 4:54

So I am curious as to even what Scott remembers experiencing this time of year. From all the things that you just said, karen, one thing that I want to bring up before we do that is you know, you used the word stop, like the importance of us being willing to stop in order to reflect. And and while, yes, you know we can talk about from a corporate perspective and leadership and you know business, and it's also it could be from you know, if you have your own business and you're entrepreneur, or if you you know, even from a personal perspective. And I want to take us back to that word stop, and I may have shared this on another episode in our podcast, but I just think it helps so much in this acronym, it's so simple, but it's like self-care, right? The S stands for self-care. What is it that you need to take care of yourself? I know.

Karen Benoy Preston 5:58

I don't get those bubbles. I love those bubbles. Your thumbs up bubble oh yeah, those of you that are audio, like my video.

Wendy Roop 6:06

When I do thumbs up, I get an actual thumbs up. When I do a heart, I get hearts. I get balloons. I get, I don't know Got nothing.

Karen Benoy Preston 6:14

Oh look, there's a little thumbs up right there. Sorry, anyway.

Wendy Roop 6:17

I'm sorry, go ahead, I got. I got an advanced computer, I guess more advanced than me, okay, so back to this, stop. The S stands for self-care. We've got to find ways like what is it that we need to do to take care of ourself, because all that stuff that you just mentioned, Karen, it is overwhelming, right? We're thinking about all the things that have happened. We're thinking about how do we be present, we're thinking about what's coming, you know, in the future. So we have to find ways to take care of ourselves.

Wendy Roop 6:44

The T stands for think about your thinking. You know we talk about mindset a lot on this on this podcast, and so, challenging our perspective, challenging our thinking, is our thinking aligned with, you know, helping us to get to the results that we want. And then the O stands for oasis. Where do we need to put ourselves to feel like we can get, once in a while, that sense of peace? Do we need to be out in nature more? Do we need to? You know, is there a special room in our house? So, whatever it is we need for that.

Wendy Roop 7:17

And then the P stands for progress over perfection, right, remembering that, and you said this too versus thinking about all the things and really being tied up into the results coming from that place too. It is all about purpose. It is all about tied into what are we called to and remembering that this is not. It's not about a destination, it's not about being perfect. It's about not about being perfect. It's about enjoying the journey and being remembering that it is progress throughout our journey. So I just wanted to call that out because, no matter where you are in this, I think that's helpful to help us to stop. So with that, scott, I want to lean into you. You know, what do you remember about this time of year, coming from even you know, being the CEO of an organization and trying to pull it all together for the year and set the vision for the next year, and et cetera, et cetera. Like, what do you remember and what would you share with other people in a similar circumstance?

Scott McGohan 8:29

Yeah, it's a fascinating you know conversation. I think what's really interesting and you know where I was in our role 70% of what we did happened this time of year.

Scott McGohan 8:42

So, it was. I mean, it was three point stance, it was game on in in in the workforce understood it. Did they like it? No, but they did understand it, and so our job was to really make sure that we leaned in with empathy, we understood them. We had to make sure that people um as much fun as we could have, that we were bouncing around the office, we were interacting with people and it was, I mean, it's overwhelming. It's a lot, a lot to deal with. But as you're talking, I'm thinking about, maybe not where I was, but I'm thinking about you know where other people were and if I'm sitting down with a manager or a leader.

Finding Peace in Messiness

Scott McGohan 9:33

And so if you, if you just think of a performance review, fair and and, and those are important I'm not huge fans of them, right, I'm just not but I think what's really interesting about those is what? What if we thought about those differently? Because in our jobs, there's consequences for those. So if I don't adhere to some of those, things can happen to me, and so I'm going to probably adjust so I don't get in trouble. Fair.

Scott McGohan 10:05

But the question we have to ask ourselves deep in our soul is what are the other consequences to my, my spouse, my family and even deeper, to myself, in not considering what what you just said, wendy, and what you just said, karen and really thinking about what is my purpose and how am I going to reflect and how am I going to adjust? Because you know, I think, what everyone really wants and what's just so hard to get to. But when you get there, it's so beautiful, when you have this serenity and it doesn't mean it's perfect, doesn't mean it's a beautiful sunset, but it it can bring real, peaceful, meaningful vision into your life. And in order to get there, you got to clean out your garage, like you got to clean out.

Scott McGohan 11:00

You got to pull everything out of your garage and I don't know about you. You remember cleaning your room when you were a kid.

Karen Benoy Preston 11:06

Yeah, but you would do it like once every quarter, right, once a quarter or something like your garage, yeah, yeah.

Scott McGohan 11:12

You would shove stuff under your bed, right. You would just I mean, you would just hide stuff, right, and you would just wait for your mom to open the front door and yell your name, like yeah, I'm busted right, like, yeah, I'm sorry, guys, I gotta go back in. And then you really have to do it. So the big thing, why? Why are you all right?

Karen Benoy Preston 11:30

well, let's just talk, let me. Let me just talk about the garage piece too. So for those of us who are wives or have been wives, for you guys to have to do your yearly garage thing, right, it's just. Here's the thing. What if you gradually, every week, tended to this, where it never had to get to that point? Because you're reflecting, because you're taking a little, you're stopping? What's the difference, right? What do we need to do to shift our mindset around being able to tweak and pivot, rather than having to clean the whole damn garage out once a year and piss your wife off?

Scott McGohan 12:10

Yeah, you guys probably understand this more than I do because it's your, it's your role and I think you have a lot more expertise than I do. But you have to ask yourself deeper why do I keep doing this? Because you get paid back for doing it. So, for me, in my own experience and this is sad, but I was drunk on chaos and peace was so foreign. When peace came to me, I was like I don't know what this feels, like I'm going to do something to screw it up, because does that make any sense?

Karen Benoy Preston 12:46

That's sick yes, but it's the fixation of the hyperachiever right.

Scott McGohan 12:52

Oh, 100%. And when you start and Karen, you're exactly right Like when you start out and your garage is clean and then you pull in the garage and something's out of place and instead of just leaving it there the next day, I just put that away.

Scott McGohan 13:07

And then I pull in the next day and I just do that, and then all of a sudden it goes, and then all of a sudden those things evolve, and then they become important to you, and that, in my own opinion, that's where peace shows up. That's where peace shows up.

Karen Benoy Preston 13:24

Being in the moment right, being more in the moment right, not because of future experience, of trying to make sure at some point in time we've got a clean garage or our room is clean because our parents told us or because our employees are performing.

Scott McGohan 13:38

Yeah.

Karen Benoy Preston 13:39

Through the level of expectation.

Scott McGohan 13:41

The beauty of all of this people have to understand is in the messiness. That's and the level of expectation the beauty of all of this people have to understand is in the messiness. That's where the beauty is. You have to be willing to sit in the mess, sit in it and, like you said, wendy right, just sit in the mess, pull it apart, reflect like pull it apart.

Karen Benoy Preston 13:58

This is data. It's just data, you're right, that's exactly right.

Scott McGohan 14:01

That's all it is. It's just data.

Karen Benoy Preston 14:04

And it's very informative. We don't like looking at it because we're creatures of judgment we think it's bad, we think it's heavy, we think it's hard.

Wendy Roop 14:18

And don't you think that I mean? That is why, no matter whether we're talking about performance reviews, or whether we're talking about our garage, or whether we're talking about our life, no matter what it is, I think that is why we don't reflect as often it's like and I think I've said this before too like um, because that requires quiet, right and silence, and we're scared of that. We don't want to face necessarily what might come up for us.

Karen Benoy Preston 14:50

Well, and might I also add that the perfectionist mindset, going back into anything that looks somewhat cathartic, undermines my ability to be perfect. So there's a whole nother layer of why it's hard to sit down and sit with that. Not that I can't, you know, take time and be still and whatever, but I would much rather feed my still brain with something external than my own internal crap.

Wendy Roop 15:21

Yeah.

Scott McGohan 15:22

Like my wife can take a nap. My son's on the phone but she'd take a nap. I was like, yeah, we take a nap. What are you?

Karen Benoy Preston 15:30

doing. There's things to do, places to go, people to see.

Wendy Roop 15:34

My husband too. I say that about him. I'm like why you need to take a nap, like we don't take a nap. You're projecting To this day Like we don't take a nap.

Scott McGohan 15:42

I wish I could, honestly today. I wish I could, I really do, cause if you've ever I don't take naps, but I've fallen asleep before and if you've ever fallen asleep and woken up in the middle of the day there's nothing like that it's like Whoa, that was amazing. Does that make sense? I mean, it was like that was absolutely amazing. But yeah, you're exactly right. Yeah.

Wendy Roop 16:09

So, so I think this is so again, like it's so great that we're talking about this, especially this time of year. So there's a couple points to this. Right, we bring it up because this is typically about the time of the year where we actually start doing those kinds of things, whether it's from a work perspective or personal perspective or whatever and after the first of the year, you know, we're like, okay, I gotta, you know, think about all these things, but how can we be more consistent with it? Right? Consistent with it right, like if we are trying to give tools or resources to people on helping them to know how do they step back and reflect more and and create a practice out of that. What does that look like?

Scott McGohan 16:56

it is a practice yeah, I think you have to. It's like a lot of things in life you know and honestly, like, like when I got into recovery I needed to go. Does that make sense? Like I needed to go, and today I go, and I go every week because I want to go.

Karen Benoy Preston 17:17

I get better every time.

Scott McGohan 17:18

I get better every time. But when I go, I also get to see people that are a hot mess and I can look and say they're, by the grace of God, there go I. So I can say, well, that's available. So if we get to, it's almost like admitting the fact that things need to change in my life. But nothing changes until we accept the fact that things need to change. And I do think Wendy and Karen, I think both of you would agree that we wake up in January and say I'm going to lose 50 pounds. And it's almost like, hey, what? What if you just said I'm gonna lose three pounds? What if three was the mark right? And then three turned into six, and then six turned into nine, and like what if it wasn't so massive? Does that make sense?

Karen Benoy Preston 18:13

Well, that's the piece to the slow. You know, the micro, the pivot, the tweak right. That's much easier than saying I'm going to you know, you know when micro, the pivot, the tweak right, that's much easier than saying I'm going to, you know, you know, when you wait so long to reflect back and get the data, it's, it's way too heavy, then it's way too late. We were way too embedded in our thinking. We're way too far gone in being conditioned. So yes, to your point. That's much different. To take the little bite size nuggets. And now what do I need to do with that? If I wanted to lose three pounds, what would I need to do with that?

Wendy Roop 18:52

well, yeah, I mean, and again tying this all to that reflection piece, it's like, even when we're reflecting, if we use that as an example, right, like we're reflecting, if we use that as an example, right, like we're reflecting on, so the bigger picture is probably okay. So somebody says I'm reflecting on, I want to lose, you know, 30 pounds or what have you, and so I think the importance of coming back to the why, right, like what is the impact of that, and so getting really clear on your why and the impact, and then I think when we do that, it helps to do exactly. Scott, what you're talking about is, if we really get clear and it's tied to to a deeper why, then we're looking and setting expectations that are actually attainable, right, and trusting ourselves that it is progress over perfection, because we understand the bigger and long-term impact of it. So I just see how all that is tied together.

Scott McGohan 20:01

I talked to someone in the story today. This is so crazy. So I used to weigh 225 pounds.

Scott McGohan 20:07

So I weighed I don't know 171 now but when I weighed 225 pounds I ordered three suits and a girl came into McGowan Braebender and she fitted me and I said I had a 38 inch waist inch waist. I said I want a 33 inch waist. She said you have 38 inch waist. I said I want 33 and she said and I go, I'm paying for him, this is what I want. And she was like this is my incentive 100 percent my reward 100%.

Scott McGohan 20:42

Now it took me like seven months to fit in that thing. So about I don't know three, I don't know, maybe a couple months ago I started getting these pants and I was like man, these are getting kind of tight and uncomfortable and I made myself a problem. I'm like I'm not buying fat pants, I'm not buying fat pants, I'm not buying them, I'm not buying them. And then so in the last I don't know month and I've lost like 12 pounds, like now there's room, like does that make sense?

Scott McGohan 21:12

Now I wouldn't suggest anybody jump up into this brain because this is one dangerous neighborhood. This is a crazy, crazy place to live. But my point is. My point is different people have different methodologies and different people have different motives from. And it could be, and there could be all kinds of motives. You know weddings are a motive, right, like I've got to fit in this dress. That's a motive and that's okay. Does that make sense? All of those, they're all okay.

Karen Benoy Preston 21:50

Let's play here because it's fun. Your external motivation right.

Scott McGohan 21:57

Because I'm pretty vain. It's okay, it's okay.

The Cost of Not Reflecting

Karen Benoy Preston 22:01

There's the awareness of that and, like you said, some people need the external motivation to get to where they think. That you know. So let's go back to the why. Let's kind of let's round this out. If your why is rooted in an external motivation, then it may not be sustainable. If your why is rooted in that fear or scarcity or judgmental perspective, then you know we know scientifically, here it may not be sustainable, here it may not be sustainable.

Building a Gratitude Practice

Karen Benoy Preston 22:42

But, scott, if you were to think more about a deeper, why not? So that you could prove that you could go from the 38 to the 33, but what was more constructive and creative mindset that you could draw from? That is what's kept you at 33-ish more sustainable. There's a story in that, because it wasn't just about the fact that you could get from 30. It's not about proving that you could be 30 to 33. There was something more internal that motivated you and when we can find that source, that's the magic, that's the sustainability. That's what Wendy's talking about when she's talking about think about your thinking. Where are you coming from? Is this a mindset that is constructive or is this a mindset that is destructive, fear-based, judgmental, scarcity-based right?

Scott McGohan 23:38

Yeah, I think the same thing is true for, like people that procrastinate, they get in so much trouble. And then the big question is it's like, why do you do that to yourself? And and and you're exactly right you have to ask yourself, like, why does that? Like you have to dig down into why do you do that? And then they say things like, well, I don't know, I'm like, yeah, you do know, I'm like what you said, you have to dig deep into it. It could be just the thrill, just that thrill and that challenge. Does that make you guys probably talk to a lot of people like that, like, and I hate procrastination. You know why I hate it? Because I used to do it my entire life.

Karen Benoy Preston 24:22

Stress of it. I didn't like it. Yeah, A hundred percent Like that part.

Scott McGohan 24:25

You're saying you're addicted to that chaos, that stress and for me, my body never wanted to move. So I gained a bunch of weight, right, until my mind said I could do it. My body moved right, and then my body, my mind, said that, and my body moved Right, and then my body, my mind, said that, and then my my own self-awareness, and then my own, and you know, and sadly, um, my my own self image, it increased and I was like, wow, like I feel better about, about, um, how I look, and all of a sudden it's like, hey, I'm going to protect that now, like I'm going to protect that, like that's the. That's an important part, and one of the reasons is and I did a TEDx on this um is I went to an app called real age and for the first time in my life, um, it answered. It asked a bunch of questions about alcohol, about food, about ice cream, about biometrics, and I entered all the stuff and I told I told this app the truth about who I was, and I think I was like 40, I don't know 41. And it came back and said you're 41, your health age is, I think it said, 49.

Scott McGohan 25:35

I was like, holy smokes, I've got a wife and two kids and I'm playing Russian roulette with my, with my life. That's ridiculous. That we have a healthcare system and I hate to pick on the healthcare system that will take care of me when it's all bad. Well, I have choices. Right now. I don't have to. I don't have to be that. Does that make sense? So then my relationship with my wife became important, my relationship with my kids became important, and then a relationship with myself became important. So there's just a lot of little nudges, but you have to go deep inside.

Karen Benoy Preston 26:08

Well, that's the key piece right there. Choices that's that mindset that is more coming from a conscious choice. That is more sustainable than coming from a place of fear because I'm not good enough, because I'm a 38 waist.

Wendy Roop 26:29

Yeah, and I would say that, you know, anyone who allows themselves to step back and reflect on those things, even in the simplest of things, which is a good way to practice are, with simple things, like and asking yourself, like, what is the real why behind this? You know, and I've heard people use the like, the five whys, and it's like, why is that? Because this? Well then, why is that? And then you know, when you, by the time you get to at least the fifth why, like, that's probably the truest why you know, and so that's a great way to you know, reflect again on.

Wendy Roop 27:14

You know, even as you're thinking about goals for the new year, or you know, whatever it is versus and I love that you brought that up, Karen, because I mean, you know, for me to like, instead of it being shame based, you know, like we need to set these goals because of some shame-based thing or coming from that place of fear, we have the opportunity to, yeah, shift our mindset, to say, yeah, but what's the? You know, what's the healthiest? The healthiest why here? What's going to be sustainable versus just a quick fix?

Karen Benoy Preston 27:56

that place right there that you were talking about that shame base. So I I use this often, often when we are reflecting back, it's hard for us to get that data because we think we have to take responsibility and I'm using my air quotes here because, again, that's where that shame and guilt comes from having to take responsibility. But I challenge you to flip this word around in a much more constructive mindset. It doesn't have to be shame-based. We have the ability to respond and that's a much more constructive and creative mindset. Same word, derivatives but a different mindset around it. Scott, you had the ability to respond rather than shamefully having to take responsibility for your weight. Totally different mindset, totally different progress, totally different way to reflect and move forward. It allows us to now go into those reflection points with a lot less heaviness, a lot less judgment, self-criticism and self-judgment. It's almost like there's a euphoria. Now we get to go back into those moments and think, cool, it's just data, what do I get to learn?

Wendy Roop 29:11

You know, what I tie this to is what Scott was talking about.

Karen Benoy Preston 29:14

Earlier too was like that want to versus have to that obligation, have to or need to, need to.

Wendy Roop 29:23

Right, and so it's almost. You know, and I've again. This is just another way of thinking. It's like I get to do that Right.

Scott McGohan 29:30

I want to and I get to do that right, I want to and I get to that instead of conscious choice.

Wendy Roop 29:35

Right, yeah, and that and that response, that that ability to respond, is exactly that.

Scott McGohan 29:41

Like I have the ability to respond from that perspective, like I get to do this, yeah you know, I think one thing too that's really interesting you said this too Is how comfortable are you alone, all by yourself?

Karen Benoy Preston 30:00

All by sing it. Yeah, no, I can't sing All by.

Scott McGohan 30:05

I wrote a poem called Never Alone, Always Lonely.

Wendy Roop 30:10

Yeah.

Scott McGohan 30:11

Because I can never be alone, because I was, I didn't know how to be alone. So, and it's one of and I never asked myself the question back then and I wish I would have like, why are you? And it was a bunch of shame. See, guilt is what I did and shame is what I who I think I am, and shame is. Shame is a lie. Right, guilt is a fact, shame is a lie. And when, when, when we realize that we can move out of that in really, really beautiful ways. I had a bunch of inner city kids and we sat and there was like 60 of them and Wendy you might remember Mentors, matter, yeah, and what I asked them.

Scott McGohan 30:57

It was a really cool exercise and I really encourage anybody to do this. What I asked them to do is to pick four words that they wish society would say about them. So if your name came up, like if Karen came up, and someone said what's Karen? Like you might say Karen's authentic, she's caring and she's kind, right and so, and that's what Karen wants. But then deep down you have to ask yourself are you authentic? Are you kind? Does that make sense?

Scott McGohan 31:29

That's my but what you want. So what I encourage them to do is once they did that, I encourage them to go find someone in the room that was authentic and kind. In other words, give it away because you can. It was really interesting to watch those like those students start to give away what they wanted and then actually what came back to them was different, but their eye it was. It was probably one of the coolest experience that I kind of ever kind of experienced, especially with really young you know young students.

Karen Benoy Preston 32:15

Yeah, I love that.

Wendy Roop 32:19

Yeah, I love that you brought that up, Scott too, about how comfortable are you by yourself. So I had the opportunity that I facilitated for an organization in Tampa last week and I was there. You know I traveled by myself and so forth and so I decided to stay an extra day because I'm in Tampa, right, so I'm like I could sit by the pool. Actually, because you know I love sunshine, I love warmth. I'm like I'm going to, you know, get some extra sunshine, because you know I love sunshine, I love warmth. I'm like I'm going to, you know, get some extra sunshine. Well, first thing I find out when I get, there is a great hotel and because of the hurricanes, just some things were a little off, so like they're outside, they had a beautiful courtyard all shut down for cleaning. I couldn't even go outside there. Backyard all shut down for cleaning, I couldn't even go outside there. Then I find out that the pool is shut down and not open, so I can't go to that. And then I'm like, okay, I'm just going to go home. Right, I'm just going to go home a day early. Well, of course it costs you know how much money to change. I'm like I guess I'm stuck here. So I'm like I. So when it comes to those kinds of things, I'll adventure all day long with somebody else. But I am not good at doing it by myself. I'm uncomfortable, I think people are staring at me. I don't like to eat by myself, Like I. It's just I don't, and I know it's something I need to continue to grow, grow in.

Wendy Roop 33:48

But this is so interesting so I decide you know what I am going to go to, like a beach, at least like and walk on the beach or something. So I asked somebody I had gotten some ideas from some people that were some cool places, but like the Uber drive would have been like 45 minutes. And I'm like do I really want to spend the money on that and back. So I asked the lady at the front. I'm like is there a beach that's close by? Close by? Oh yeah, Just something over the bridge. It's called whatever it was called. I was like, okay, so I get an Uber, I put it in and I get an Uber driver. We go.

Wendy Roop 34:22

And as soon as we're getting close, I'm like, okay, like this does not look like the best beach. And I go like are there places to walk to shop? Because I and I go like, are there places to walk to shop? Because I had asked that question too. And she's like, yep, there are anyway. So we get there and he's I said, are there places to shop? He goes, I've been here. So at this point I'm like, what am I gonna do? I mean, I don't know what you do. So I just said, no, I'm fine, I'm just gonna walk. So I get out and I just immediately start feeling so uncomfortable.

Karen Benoy Preston 34:59

And all these people are watching you.

Wendy Roop 35:02

That's what I felt like, but there were only, like there were these cars in, like very few cars sitting in the parking lot. I don't know what they were doing, because I saw no people, I just saw cars. There was no beach, it was just a parking lot, cement blocks and then water, you know. So I go out there and I'm trying to pretend I'm like I'm just looking at the water, you know, and I'm like, and then there's construction on the sidewalk, so I had nowhere to walk there. Well, again, no beach to walk on.

Wendy Roop 35:34

I am just feeling so out of my skin and I'm like I wanted to go back to the hotel. I'm like, no, you're going to keep going. So I go, I go. I find there's a restaurant there, so I go. You know, it was still, it was late morning, I don't even think they were open yet, but they were getting ready. So I'm like, okay, where can I go to? Is there an outdoor mall that I could go to, you know, and walk outside? That's not far. Oh, yeah, such and such. Okay, great, I'll Uber driver again, get to the mall. It wasn't an outdoor mall, it was just a normal mall.

Wendy Roop 36:06

But again, what am I going to do I get out? And now I'm shopping by myself and again I'm just walking her along Like it. Anyway, my point is like I feel like, first of all, I'm so uncomfortable in those places and there is a reason because of my inner critics and because of my like. Again, I feel like people are staring at me and they're you know why is she by herself? Nobody gives a crap about what I'm doing, but it was such a great exercise for me to do, to, to push myself in the way and to learn more. Again me reflecting back on it, like learning more about myself, and it's like why, why do I worry so much about that, right, and why am I so uncomfortable in that? But oh my, gosh, fasc, gosh, fascinating.

Karen Benoy Preston 36:54

I could totally relate, by the way, totally. Oh, it's a. It's a. Yeah, I don't know what it is, but I think because we've been so programmed to do things with other people and the experience isn't like it's just, it's like we're naked yeah, in the middle of nowhere with no, no, no understand no, no one to even talk to about whatever that. That is Right.

Wendy Roop 37:19

Yeah, I did go to eat by myself, though it was like had a little outdoor you know, outdoor thing and I just sat there and acted ahead, though I, you know, I've ever heard people like if you're nervous, nervous, like just do the walk of confidence.

Wendy Roop 37:31

Well, I did the sitting of confidence, but I just got this, I can eat lunch by myself anyway, so, but okay. So if we kind of bring this full circle and reflect and reflect, the other thing I'm just going to bring up I don't, I don't, maybe we could talk about this next episode if we do anyway, but at least I'm just going to add it to this piece. I think a really poor, a really important piece of reflecting also, and especially when we're recording this in the time of year, is remembering gratitude. Like what do we have? And I don't mean things, just things, right. I mean, you know, where are we blessed in our life? Like, who are we blessed to have in our life? Like, what are we just so grateful for?

Wendy Roop 38:27

Because I don't think we reflect on that enough, because we're always thinking about us not being enough or what we don't have or what we still need to do. So you know, people do that differently. For me, every morning, I write down at least three things that I'm grateful for and I do feel like, no matter kind of where I'm at, like it just helps to remind me like, wendy, you're, you're okay, right. Like, just look what you have in your life, whether that's people or, you know, even having my own business or what have you. So I do that. What about the two of you Like? Do you have a gratitude practice or anything else that helps you to think from that perspective instead of from the scarcity perspective?

Karen Benoy Preston 39:20

from a reflection piece, one one thing that you've just inspired me around, because my reflection practice has left that key piece out of gratitude. So mine is okay. What worked, what worked, what didn't work? Again, what resources am I leveraging? So, like, what do I? What am I using a lot of? What do I need more of? What am I willing to forego? And resources aren't just people, time and money. Resources can be rest. It could be physical activity, it could be, you know, emotional stability or mental capacity. Um, and then it would be based on this information, what would I want to be different next week? Well, the key pieces. What would I want to keep doing again and again? And that's that piece of gratitude, right. What would I want to continue?

Wendy Roop 40:15

Yeah.

Karen Benoy Preston 40:15

Not just what would I want to be different again, because I don't want this to come from that place of not enough right. It's like continue to recognize and acknowledge those things that I am doing, that are that are working, and there's gratitude in that. I love that and that's an internal perspective as well, as you know, collective.

Wendy Roop 40:35

And that's an internal perspective as well as you know, collective Amazing Thanks, Garrett.

Scott McGohan 40:40

What about you, Scott? Yeah, I mean, I have a gratitude journal and I think you know, even when things just suck, I remember one time it was bad, but I remember I looked back at my journal and I wrote down I'm grateful for air conditioning in my car. I mean, it got small. Does that make sense?

Wendy Roop 40:59

Yes, and sometimes it does, and that's okay.

Scott McGohan 41:05

Yeah, and when we get super grateful and it can be the smallest things in the world, it changes our mindset. And the other thing that really helps is serving is when you are useless to yourself, go be useful to somebody else and you can be useful to all kinds of. I spoke at a homeless shelter last Thursday and I had this big plan. You know, I put together this kind of like agenda and I got out of my car and I walked in and they had a chapel. So in order to sleep in a shelter, you had to go to chapel and I walk in and I'd laugh at God. I'm like you had me put together this big agenda, cause I can't. This agenda is not going to work here.

Scott McGohan 41:49

You know, and I just chuckled Right and I'm like, okay, we're going to pray and you're going to have to just give me some words, because whatever you say is what I'm going to say. And then I had someone ask me, like they said what do you have in common with homeless people? And I was like brokenness.

Creating Sustainable Change

Scott McGohan 42:10

That's what I have in common with homeless people, I didn't lose like my house, but I lost my soul. You know, I lost serenity, I lost peace, I lost you know, I almost lost my life. I just I lost a lot of things. I have a lot in common, plus and, and, and I'll say this until the day I die, and I think it's why jesus spoke to the lonely, tired, broken and afraid man. Are they available?

Karen Benoy Preston 42:40

their hearts are wide open their eyes are wide open yeah, you have that same. The same thing that you all have, too, is conscious choice yeah, everybody has that right which may be why you are here right now.

Scott McGohan 43:06

Well plus, you told me to be here I'm kidding who did I said plus you told me oh yeah, you have to be right here, right now yeah, but you told me to plus. I'll get in trouble if I'm not it's safer here yeah, he doesn't want to deal with us.

Wendy Roop 43:22

No, he's here because he wants to be, yes, because he gets to be 100 so if we were to ask everybody to, how can they, you know, invite them to go inside? What does that look like?

Scott McGohan 43:46

Yeah, I think for me, if I was, if you know, and I have to carry myself back, I mean cause you know, every day and I've learned this in recovery, where I like yesterday I woke up and I was, I had good old Bible study on Tuesday mornings and so I was laying in bed and I'm like I'm just going to pray in bed, cause I'm going to a Bible study, so that's enough, right? And then I get up, I'm like, oh, God's a little bigger than that. You should probably get on your knees right there. So I'm laughing to myself like this is pretty funny.

Scott McGohan 44:15

And so what I need in my own life is like a routine. So it's prayer in the morning, right, it's just asking hey, show me brand new things today, like open my heart to a new experience about you and me and this world. So for me, I read Jesus Calling, which I really, really appreciate, and what I need is I need those external things to come in and I need a process, like I need a daily process. Left to my own devices, things do not end well. They just don't?

Scott McGohan 44:47

They just do not end well.

Scott McGohan 44:49

If I make somebody mad or if I cause somebody to be upset, I got to clean up that mess either that day or the next day, otherwise that carries into the next day and then that's when bad stuff like really happens. So, to answer your question in regards to is, I would probably get super quiet and get super honest and let your heart do some really deep breathing and let your heart just kind of really just kind of get down to the slowest pace and I'm a big fan of journaling, right and just maybe ask yourself if you're not comfortable with being alone, why is that?

Scott McGohan 45:29

And just start writing that stuff down and, like what you said, karen, that's data, and it doesn't matter how it could be ugly, just as long as it's honest. That's all that matters. That's all that matters.

Karen Benoy Preston 45:43

Really good information to figure out what you'd want to do with it.

Wendy Roop 45:48

Anything to add, Karen?

Karen Benoy Preston 45:55

Anything to add, karen. I just think that I'm grateful for you guys in this space, Grateful for listeners that hopefully have inspiration from these little nuggets. Yeah, ditto for sure. Don't think I do that enough.

Wendy Roop 46:18

So, yes, yes, that's my moment of gratitude to go inside awesome. Well, thank you, uh, to the two of you and to our whole podcast team, because without them we couldn't do this. Taylor and alexa, thank you. And and thank you to those who choose to listen to us and to and we don't ask this enough, but you know, if you're listening to these episodes, some are going to resonate with you more than others. But, like, just share it with others because it's all about we really do just want to inspire others and help, just help each other be the best version of ourselves.

Karen Benoy Preston 46:55

Yeah, and I invite you to provide that feedback for us too. And what do you like to hear? What do you, you know? Give us the reflective aspect. What do you want more of? What do you want less of?

Wendy Roop 47:06

Yes, great, great question. We would love to hear more from you on that too. So, with that hope you have an amazing day and we'll see you next time.