Culture is an Inside Job

The Seven Levels of Leadership - Part 6 | EP8 |

TM Episode 8

 In this episode, we spend more time in the higher levels of leadership, and describing what they look and feel like.

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00;00;00;24 - 00;00;29;27
Speaker 1
Welcome to Culture is an inside job. The Podcast on building an authentic, engaging and Inspiring Culture. Hi, I'm Wendy Roop and along with my friends and co-hosts Karen Preston and Scott McGowan, we believe that building a healthy work culture starts with leaders like you. If you're ready to get real and dig deep into your own self-awareness, determine how you want to show up in the world and then take aligned action to transform your leadership and those around you.

00;00;30;07 - 00;00;37;00
Speaker 1
Then this podcast is for you. Now let's go inside.

00;00;39;06 - 00;00;46;21
Speaker 1
Welcome back, everyone. To Culture is an inside job. How are you doing, Scott? How you doing? Karen?

00;00;47;17 - 00;00;49;06
Speaker 2
I mean, tastic on this and.

00;00;50;09 - 00;00;53;23
Speaker 3
Oh, yeah, I'm here.

00;00;54;04 - 00;01;22;18
Speaker 1
Yeah, we were just talking before I recorded that. You know, this recording is happening right in right before Christmas in the holidays, and you'll just be real. It can be hard, right? So what a better time to be talking about these different levels of energy. You know, this time of year and Scott was mentioning that, you know, he was in a situation yesterday where he noticed all those levels of energy.

00;01;22;18 - 00;01;25;18
Speaker 1
And so, yeah, it's just the reality.

00;01;25;18 - 00;01;26;18
Speaker 2
Of of.

00;01;26;28 - 00;01;31;28
Speaker 1
Who we are as humans. And they show up our levels show up at different times, too.

00;01;31;28 - 00;01;34;03
Speaker 2
So Yeah.

00;01;34;17 - 00;01;38;02
Speaker 3
And the ability to accept right where we are.

00;01;38;05 - 00;01;45;24
Speaker 2
Right. Mhm. Yeah. Judgment it just gets messy. Yes. All right.

00;01;45;24 - 00;01;55;15
Speaker 3
Wouldn't be fun if it weren't chaotic. Right. That's the whole point is the being present in the moment instead of being at the effect of the chaos.

00;01;55;23 - 00;02;17;25
Speaker 2
Right. Yeah. And I think like this time, I mean, at least for me personally, is I mean, I'm very capable of making messes and I'm very capable of stepping into a mess. And I think where I get some peace and some serenity is I got to try to clean up some of those messes every day. I can't clean them all up.

00;02;18;16 - 00;02;25;05
Speaker 2
But if I take one mess and do another mess into another mess, then life just becomes a mess.

00;02;26;01 - 00;02;26;22
Speaker 3
Messier than.

00;02;26;22 - 00;02;29;23
Speaker 2
Mess. Messier than mess. Yes.

00;02;30;00 - 00;02;51;14
Speaker 1
And you know, again, we were talking earlier to, you know, the gift in this is and you, Scott and and Taylor is our podcast guru in the background. Thank you, Taylor. You know, we're just talking about how the more we talk about this, the more that you notice it. Right. So there's probably a gift and a challenge in that when we when we notice.

00;02;51;14 - 00;03;20;26
Speaker 1
So so last time when we were talking a little bit more about these energy levels, I think we were talking about three, level three and level four. And so maybe just a quick recap about, you know, the reminder about what does it mean when we are in level four? And then we'll dove in to talking about the higher levels of energy, which are level five, six and seven.

00;03;20;27 - 00;03;21;17
Speaker 1
How does that sound?

00;03;22;17 - 00;03;24;13
Speaker 2
Perfect. Yeah. Okay.

00;03;25;01 - 00;03;28;29
Speaker 1
Karen, you want to recap us on four and then we'll dove in?

00;03;29;07 - 00;03;36;13
Speaker 3
Sure thing. So just a quick we'll start from one and kind of move in just to remind us, one being I lose.

00;03;37;09 - 00;03;37;18
Speaker 2
Two.

00;03;37;18 - 00;03;58;25
Speaker 3
Being you lose three being I win. And four now is you win. And this is that space of service and compassion. And I make sure that I when I when I use this term, it's important that we remember it's not just about a specific person that you're giving service and compassion to. It could be your circumstance that you're in.

00;03;58;25 - 00;04;26;22
Speaker 3
It could be your space that you're in. I refer to sometimes when I have to clean up my space around me, that's giving it a little bit of that level for compassion. And that's what leads to the higher levels of feeling like the win win right? But more importantly, especially right now, when we're so willing to give to everyone else, how are we taking that time as Wendy loves to say, giving ourselves that space and grace?

00;04;26;22 - 00;04;33;16
Speaker 3
It's so important that we totally don't we are not fashionable at this rate, Wendy. We're just not.

00;04;33;23 - 00;04;34;21
Speaker 2
Hey, that's right.

00;04;35;08 - 00;04;48;11
Speaker 3
And so right now, more than ever, it's really a beautiful time to reflect on what does self-compassion, self-love, what does that look like? Self-serving choice without it having to be selfish. Right. I love it, you know.

00;04;48;25 - 00;05;12;20
Speaker 1
Yes. And I love that you bring that up, Karen, because, you know, it in this when we're in this level four, I would say that the majority of us, when we're in this level, it is about focusing in on other people. Right. And so I think you bringing this up is the there is an opportunity for us to be a caregiver to ourselves.

00;05;12;20 - 00;05;21;22
Speaker 1
And you know, be more compassionate with ourselves. So, yeah, I think that's an important point.

00;05;23;10 - 00;05;47;24
Speaker 3
So how do we do it, though? I guess that's where we find this challenge. It's it's sometimes, you know, as a level four, there's a lot of times we find ourselves being a pleaser right in the level four space where we're willing to give and take care of everyone else. And in that, oftentimes we find ourselves frustrated by giving, and then we fall back down to those lower levels.

00;05;47;24 - 00;06;23;21
Speaker 3
And this is that cycle of kind of our own little level four hamster wheel sometimes where we're as parents even. Right. We know this that we've been giving and giving as as as business owners. Right. We're just feel like we're continuing to give and give and give. And then all of a sudden, when something doesn't feel right, whether it's that we're not getting something back or we're not feeling that same sense of appreciation for what we're I don't know, whatever might the reciprocation that we're looking for in the give, if it's not there, then we fall back to those lower levels.

00;06;24;09 - 00;06;24;28
Speaker 2
Mm hmm.

00;06;25;07 - 00;06;32;26
Speaker 3
Begin to feel a little bit helpless or hopeless or resentful or frustrated. Right? So to speak to some of that.

00;06;33;02 - 00;06;58;11
Speaker 2
Let's let you know. I'm just trying to think from like a listeners perspective. If if I was if I was thinking about something pretty simple, like, let's just say cutting the grass. Right. So if I was in level one, the response would be, I can't cut the grass. Right. I just can't. Does that make sense? And then maybe level two.

00;06;58;19 - 00;07;20;17
Speaker 2
So give me an example of like a level two would be. So if I'm a parent and I'm talking to my son and it's about cutting the grass. Mm hmm. I'm the son. The first one is. I can't. I can't do it. Level two would be what would level two what would that response be?

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Speaker 1
There would be resentment about cutting the grass. I think you know, I think that would.

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Speaker 2
Be.

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Speaker 3
Could be defiance, could be like, no, you cut the grass.

00;07;31;09 - 00;07;35;25
Speaker 1
Right. It's your fault. The grass is this long, right? Blaming. Blaming you. Right.

00;07;35;25 - 00;07;40;08
Speaker 2
So you get your ass, right? Yeah, that's good. And then level three would be.

00;07;41;18 - 00;07;43;22
Speaker 3
Yeah, I'll cut the grass, but you're going to have to pay me.

00;07;44;18 - 00;07;51;00
Speaker 2
Oh, okay. Good, good, good. All right, then. Take me to for your dad.

00;07;51;00 - 00;07;52;14
Speaker 3
I'd be glad to cut the grass today.

00;07;53;06 - 00;07;54;15
Speaker 1
I love to do that for you.

00;07;55;03 - 00;07;58;00
Speaker 2
Yeah, okay. That's perfect. Okay.

00;07;58;07 - 00;08;04;06
Speaker 3
And then if we get to those higher levels, let's make sure we come back. We talk about that, too, to refer back to this analogy, because we could.

00;08;04;06 - 00;08;05;08
Speaker 2
Go in the.

00;08;05;08 - 00;08;06;23
Speaker 3
Other levels as well about cutting the.

00;08;06;23 - 00;08;14;24
Speaker 2
Guy matter. This is good, simple, simple. But it helps me. Yeah, absolutely.

00;08;14;24 - 00;08;30;17
Speaker 3
And and I love that you did that because I think that we're going to need to do that a lot. And there's no reason it's easy for for Wendy and I to be able to conceptualize this and articulate it. But it's another for listening perspective to apply it to to really be able to relate to it. So yeah, keep doing that.

00;08;30;17 - 00;08;31;04
Speaker 3
That's awesome.

00;08;31;13 - 00;08;31;19
Speaker 2
Yeah.

00;08;31;19 - 00;08;32;03
Speaker 1
Thank you.

00;08;32;18 - 00;08;33;02
Speaker 2
Perfect.

00;08;34;11 - 00;09;00;14
Speaker 1
Karen, I just want to come back to what you were saying. You know, how do we do it? And, you know, when it comes to level four, how do we you know, how are we more of a caregiver to ourselves and more compassionate and service oriented towards ourselves? And it's not easy. And I think, you know, we said it we said it earlier that it's that how do we give ourselves more space and grace?

00;09;00;24 - 00;09;38;18
Speaker 1
And to me, that's what it comes back to, right? Rather than focusing on every one and everything else, how do we just stop? And I think this time of year again, like we mentioned when we're recording this, it's right before Christmas and the holiday days. And, you know, how do we just say to ourselves, just stop? And it's to me, space is giving ourselves time and putting ourselves in a place or a space where it's almost like an oasis, right?

00;09;38;18 - 00;09;59;10
Speaker 1
For some people that could be out in nature. For others, it could be in a room in your house. But it's, you know, stopping in a place that's filling your cup and and around around people that you enjoy being around, which, again, this time of year can be hard because sometimes we're put in situations where it might be people who are zapping our energy.

00;09;59;10 - 00;10;11;16
Speaker 1
So so where is it that, you know, we can put ourselves to fill our cup again? And it's just intentionality. That's the word that I'll use is intentionality.

00;10;12;01 - 00;10;40;28
Speaker 3
I love that you talked about the oasis. And I think that one of the things that may be even more helpful to consider right now is we talked a little bit about among the chaos, right? How do we find an oasis that doesn't if we can't get away to that external oasis, how do we find our internal oasis that allows us to, even in the chaos, give ourselves that space and grace?

00;10;41;22 - 00;11;07;17
Speaker 3
Because right now we can't stop the chaos. It's coming. It's a freight train coming. We got more than more than Santa Claus is coming. Apparently. So it's it's coming, right. And it's palpable. We can feel it. So how do we maintain that oasis internally, even among this chaos?

00;11;07;24 - 00;11;36;23
Speaker 1
And this is I'll just use the word cool. This is so cool that you're bringing this up, too, because I think this is leading up to the other conversations that we're going to be having in the upcoming episodes. Right. The things that hold us back as far as holding us back from, you know, allowing ourselves to be in that space, in this level for and and then, okay, what are things that we can put into action in order for that to happen?

00;11;36;23 - 00;11;38;05
Speaker 1
So exciting.

00;11;38;05 - 00;11;58;17
Speaker 3
Stuff. Yeah. Yeah, I just I love that you just say that because this is going to this is going to where we're going to paint this picture. Level four is a bridge. It's that bridge from those lower levels of feeling helpless or frustrated or just kind of coping. When you step on that level for bridge, I'm getting on my.

00;11;58;29 - 00;11;59;06
Speaker 2
Let's.

00;11;59;24 - 00;12;22;09
Speaker 3
See see me up on stage now I got my soapbox and turn into ministry here. It's really that place of getting to the higher level and we have to step on it. We can't just we can't go through the water. It's just going to make us cold and wet. Sitting on the bridge is the safest place to go.

00;12;22;09 - 00;12;45;25
Speaker 3
And it's it's going through that space and grace with us, with those around us, the circumstances, giving the compassion that is it. It's required. It's not that it's needed. It's not that it's wanted. It's require hard. And that that's where we start to see the win win in the level five space where we begin to see opportunities. It's the other side of the bridge.

00;12;45;25 - 00;12;49;29
Speaker 3
It's why we're on the bridge to get their side right.

00;12;50;19 - 00;12;51;00
Speaker 2
Yeah.

00;12;51;15 - 00;13;20;04
Speaker 1
And I Scott, it might be important also to remind our leaders. Our leaders. Yes. That were that are listening and our listeners why were talking about this. Right. What's the importance of of this conversation around our levels of energy when this podcast is about culture? Like from your perspective, Scott, why is this important?

00;13;21;17 - 00;13;55;21
Speaker 2
Well, it goes back to people most often do what they see, not what they hear. And so if you're a leader, they're watching you. They're watching you all the time and they're probably watching you even more when things are really hard and tough or bad or rough or complicated. And if if you don't know where you are as a leader and there's events hit you, then unfortunately I like to refer to it as like, you're going to leak and where are you going to leak?

00;13;55;22 - 00;14;21;21
Speaker 2
You can leak and resentment you can leak and anger or you can really you can leak in being inappropriate. You can you can leak in language. I mean, you can just leak in all different parts of your life. And then people then would say, yeah, that wasn't I knew that was inside that person. Right? Because I had someone at lunch the other day say, like, why are you always in such a good mood?

00;14;22;07 - 00;14;48;22
Speaker 2
Well, I mean, I'm not always in such a great mood. And I got I got some tough stuff going on in my life, but at least today I know how to manage it and I know how to handle it. And I know how to accept where I am. And I'm not always in a good mood because I'm just faking it because I want people to think that, hey, that these are really happy.

00;14;48;22 - 00;15;21;21
Speaker 2
I'm just I'm today by the grace of God. Like, I am comfortable in the mess. I'm just comfortable in the mess, whatever that whatever that may, might, might be. But I think, as you know, as leaders, it's it's so important. That doesn't mean that you should never have emotions, but your emotions should be they should be in check and they should be in check and they could be, you know, manifested in a in a lot of different ways.

00;15;22;01 - 00;15;52;01
Speaker 2
So, yeah, I mean, inside of a culture, people look for two things and they look at it every single day. How do I get rewarded and how do I get in trouble? That those are the two things they'll look at. And so if bad behavior is rewarded, right, then what? What an awful culture to have. And what's even worse than that is if a a a rock star is allowed to behave inappropriately.

00;15;53;00 - 00;15;58;07
Speaker 2
But I'm not. That's very confusing for people. It's like very confusing for people.

00;15;58;25 - 00;16;10;29
Speaker 1
Right. And so I love that you say all of that because it just leads to the gift of this, right? The gift of talking about the levels of energy, because it's first and foremost about self-awareness.

00;16;11;12 - 00;16;15;13
Speaker 3
Yeah. And this is tangible, right? It's tangible.

00;16;15;13 - 00;16;29;28
Speaker 1
That's right. Yep. Okay. Awesome. And I'm glad we spent a little more time in level four because of where we're at this time of year. And, you know, the importance of giving back so to ourselves as well as other people.

00;16;29;28 - 00;16;52;07
Speaker 2
So can I mention one more thing? Sure. Because I love this bridge of like level four. But I think here's the issue and I'll just speak from my experience because that's all I have, is I was the mayor of victimhood for decades. So level one, level two, right? The world was against me. But what I realized is the world is against me.

00;16;52;07 - 00;17;26;15
Speaker 2
I was against myself, like and we're going to talk about like self-sabotage. Like, like I was just good at that. And then all of a sudden, level four, maybe in an unhealthy way, I had the disease to please and then I had artificial expectations placed on people, places and things. When I did nice things for them. Well, today I realized that those expectations probably are going to manifest themselves in my grandiose vision and dreams.

00;17;28;03 - 00;17;49;05
Speaker 2
And so when I when I get on this level for bridge, I have to think about in regards to how do I transfer that? What am I doing for me? Now, that sounds selfish. It's not it's not selfish at all. Yeah. And you brought to this place of like this oasis, right? So the oasis is that peace and that.

00;17;49;11 - 00;18;06;02
Speaker 2
Yes. Understanding. And then how I transfer. Otherwise, if I'm on level four and I have expectations and resentments and I lean in and help people, then I'm just going to go back to one two. So I'm going to do the one, two, three, four step one, two, three, four, step. And I'm never going to see five or six.

00;18;06;10 - 00;18;07;02
Speaker 2
Does that make sense?

00;18;07;02 - 00;18;10;08
Speaker 3
Absolutely right. I couldn't have said it better myself.

00;18;11;05 - 00;18;11;14
Speaker 2
Yeah.

00;18;12;25 - 00;18;43;01
Speaker 3
The the comfortable in the mess. I just have to highlight that because that's brilliant. That's that level five, level six, level six really is truly that comfortable in the mess. It's the acceptance of the fact that, oh, look here, this is me angry and I need to just be okay with it right now. Oh, yeah. Look, I feel pretty helpless right now, and I don't know what to do about that, but all I know is I just need to accept that that's how I'm feeling.

00;18;43;01 - 00;18;54;29
Speaker 3
And there's an emotion attached to that. And I could put thoughts and feelings and actions around it, but the more I can just be aware of the fact that this is me feeling pretty helpless, then that's a gift.

00;18;55;14 - 00;18;56;11
Speaker 1
Now allow it.

00;18;57;22 - 00;19;00;09
Speaker 3
Yeah. So being comfortable in the mess.

00;19;00;09 - 00;19;21;16
Speaker 2
Love that I want to come back to. We're in this and I'm sorry I can't help myself by a really good example of that is like what? Like we're in this holiday season, so we're going to buy a gift for people and and you spend all this time buying gifts if you don't.

00;19;23;18 - 00;19;42;07
Speaker 2
But if your expectations from others were equal, what's like what I gave in either emotion or monetarily or like all? Like, if our expectation is that my gut tells me we're going to be let down.

00;19;42;10 - 00;19;43;07
Speaker 3
Oh, for sure.

00;19;43;07 - 00;20;02;02
Speaker 2
Every single time, every you know, when I was a kid, I went into my mom and dad's bedroom and I said, Todd got more presents than I did. I have an identical twin brother. This is my dad's answer, right? This is so good. I don't know how old I was. Six. He goes, I'm glad you finally figured it out.

00;20;03;03 - 00;20;22;26
Speaker 2
Oh. And I was like, What? Because we love him more. I'm glad you said that now. My mom was like, my mom was all over him, right? But I mean, it was an it was a it was an absurd question that didn't turn out in a good sort of answer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's right. You asked for.

00;20;22;26 - 00;20;23;17
Speaker 3
That?

00;20;23;17 - 00;20;25;04
Speaker 2
Yes, I did. I did.

00;20;25;19 - 00;20;48;17
Speaker 3
My brother was like talk about that disappointment. He would go scavenger hunting through every place he could possibly find and unwrap and rewrap presents because he couldn't handle the excitement of, you know, like, I just know, where is it? What is it? What is it? And then come Christmas you could see he was like, Yeah, I know what that is.

00;20;49;02 - 00;20;49;20
Speaker 2
And it's like.

00;20;50;19 - 00;21;03;10
Speaker 3
Yeah, what is your what's your point? You know, that took a while for him to actually overcome that. It's more enjoyable for us to all open it together and see the excitement instead of the excitement of knowing that you found it.

00;21;03;22 - 00;21;04;10
Speaker 2
Three days.

00;21;04;10 - 00;21;34;11
Speaker 3
Ago in the closet. Yeah. So when the acceptance, you know, that was another great word that you use here. Scott Let's talk a little bit about awareness, acceptance and conscious choice, because I think this is really a critical piece when you're on that bridge. That's the compassion, that's the self-compassion is the awareness. It's the ability to reflect back and say, Oh, yeah, look, I see this, I see that in you, I see it in me.

00;21;34;11 - 00;22;00;02
Speaker 3
And now I'm aware. And the acceptance is the ability to go, Oh, yeah, and check it. It makes sense. Right. And conscious choice. Now, is this stepping off that level for bridge into level five, being able to create the win win because I've now made a conscious choice. Well, I mean, you could step back off to the other side, right?

00;22;00;03 - 00;22;01;20
Speaker 3
A conscious choice to go back down.

00;22;01;29 - 00;22;03;03
Speaker 1
Either way, it's a choice.

00;22;03;07 - 00;22;03;21
Speaker 2
Level.

00;22;03;21 - 00;22;12;23
Speaker 3
Right? Like I had to do yesterday with the flight, I chose to go right back to level two. That's another story.

00;22;13;08 - 00;22;13;17
Speaker 2
Yeah.

00;22;13;23 - 00;22;27;05
Speaker 3
So the ability to step on to that level off of the level four bridge is that conscious choice into where is there opportunities? How do we create the win win together? What are the questions that I need to ask of him or her as.

00;22;27;05 - 00;22;27;17
Speaker 2
Well.

00;22;28;05 - 00;22;33;15
Speaker 3
So that we can derive that win win together? We ready to go into this a little deeper?

00;22;34;02 - 00;22;34;12
Speaker 2
Yeah.

00;22;35;00 - 00;22;37;22
Speaker 3
Level five, level stepping into six and seven.

00;22;37;26 - 00;22;38;09
Speaker 2
Let's go.

00;22;38;09 - 00;22;38;16
Speaker 1
There.

00;22;39;29 - 00;23;07;17
Speaker 3
So we're in the win win, win win. And this again, we see great opportunities here. This is where there's a starting to take more responsibility, starting to feel like we're more empowered. There's a lot less judgment here. Obviously, leaders start to thrive at a level five place. Do we want to talk about the advantages and disadvantages and then like what?

00;23;07;17 - 00;23;07;23
Speaker 3
What?

00;23;07;29 - 00;23;08;19
Speaker 1
Yeah, yeah.

00;23;08;19 - 00;23;11;22
Speaker 3
So I'll talk about mowing the lawn here, too, right?

00;23;11;23 - 00;23;12;28
Speaker 1
Right. Yeah, let's do that.

00;23;12;28 - 00;23;13;28
Speaker 2
I like it.

00;23;14;18 - 00;23;46;26
Speaker 1
So. So we described this one as the explore just so people can kind of connect with with that and that emotion is peace. And then and then the acceptance which we've been talking about. So some of the advantages of this, because when we're in stepping into level five, we start to have and I think we did talk a little bit about this last time, last episode, but now we start to have all these ideas and so forth come available to us.

00;23;46;26 - 00;24;21;01
Speaker 1
And so we find I guess we find opportunities, right? Even in the challenges when we're in this, we also take little or nothing personally. The challenge though, go back to the challenge is because of all those ideas that we have going on, we can get that paralysis by analysis and and so we may not be putting things in like picking one and taking action in it.

00;24;21;01 - 00;24;55;22
Speaker 1
And, and I especially in this mode of building my business right now, I've got a lot of level five going on, which is awesome. And I also have to make sure that I continue to shift into the, you know, that level 6 to 2 to take a couple of these and then bring it home. Right. And so and then the other challenge I could I would say is we can be a little disengaged from our emotions when we're in this mode or were perceived to be disengaged from emotion.

00;24;55;22 - 00;25;15;25
Speaker 1
Scott This is exactly what you were talking about before, and I know Karen and I can relate to you in this, too, is, you know, and Scott, you know me well. We worked together for a long time, you know, but you're always so happy and. Right. It's it's same thing that you were describing. And it's not that I don't ever have a bad day.

00;25;16;04 - 00;25;45;13
Speaker 1
It's what I'm choosing to do with the emotion. Right. I'm in. And not that I'm always in control of my emotion, but I have had the opportunity to understand that I have a choice in how I'm reacting to my emotions in my, in and my situations. And so that's exactly what people when when people look at us, when we're in these higher levels, they can they can say, well, I mean, like, do they not have emotions or do they never have a bad day?

00;25;46;11 - 00;25;58;04
Speaker 1
So that's a little bit more of a descriptor about level five. Scott, anything that comes up for you or Karen around that?

00;25;58;04 - 00;26;02;05
Speaker 2
I was I was waiting on Karen. Oh, what about what about.

00;26;02;05 - 00;26;04;03
Speaker 1
Mowing the grass? We'll go back to Dallas.

00;26;04;26 - 00;26;23;25
Speaker 3
So let's say level five mowing the grass. Dad, I would love to mow the grass, but I have to make this phone call real quick. Would it be okay if we work through this? It can I put it off for like a half hour and then I'll make sure that it gets done?

00;26;25;13 - 00;26;28;07
Speaker 1
Yeah, that makes sense to you, Scott.

00;26;28;18 - 00;26;29;15
Speaker 2
Yeah, yeah.

00;26;30;09 - 00;26;32;21
Speaker 1
Because you both wind in it, right? Like they had something.

00;26;33;14 - 00;26;33;26
Speaker 2
The.

00;26;35;02 - 00;26;43;01
Speaker 1
Kid had something to do and was able to speak to that, but at the same time understood that you had something that they you wanted them to do.

00;26;44;02 - 00;27;02;25
Speaker 2
Yeah. Because the example that would be a potential and I'm just thinking out loud, maybe the kid had an obligation or a promise that he would call somebody back. So if he doesn't talk about that or she doesn't talk about that, then they do the grass. But the whole time they're cutting the grass.

00;27;02;25 - 00;27;07;26
Speaker 3
And I resent the fact that they didn't make that phone call right then.

00;27;07;26 - 00;27;15;09
Speaker 2
That person's resentful and it just and then it just spirals. It just it just it it just keeps moving. Yeah.

00;27;16;12 - 00;27;25;07
Speaker 1
Right. And so, again, what you just described that then they would be dropping into the lower levels of energy instead of higher levels of energy.

00;27;25;14 - 00;27;27;04
Speaker 2
Yeah. So let's look about.

00;27;27;16 - 00;27;58;20
Speaker 3
Let's look at that. The decision that the child made like for me to use this example here to say, hey dad, it's I would love to cut the grass for you, okay? But I do have to make this phone call real quick. So this, again, is, is me coming at awareness of my responsible liberties, understanding what your expectations are, and how do we how do I honor what I need to do and then notice that I, I ask the question from a curious perspective, Dad, would that be okay?

00;27;59;28 - 00;28;24;18
Speaker 3
So I didn't make the assumption that it would be okay. I needed to make sure that you would be okay with that. Right. And so if you would come back to me and said, actually, we have company coming and I need the grass mowed before then, so then we go into a little bit more of a possible how do we you know, we've got a little bit of a challenge here, not a conflict, but a challenge.

00;28;24;18 - 00;28;31;00
Speaker 3
So now how do we get into that well enough so that we're still kind of creating the win win, right?

00;28;32;05 - 00;29;11;24
Speaker 1
That I'm so glad that you brought that up because that was an a great example of a level five conversation and then pulling even a level little bit of a level three from the perspective of like this has got to get done because we've got the company coming over still, still the level five of Hey you know, I want I want us both to win here and what is and Scott like this is exactly what you talk about as far as you know leaders what if you know you as the father, the leader chose to come from that lower level place.

00;29;12;00 - 00;29;22;00
Speaker 1
What would have been created in that moment? Right. Like, in other words, got angry or you never do anything for me anyway. Right?

00;29;22;11 - 00;29;24;07
Speaker 3
Company's coming and this has to get done.

00;29;24;19 - 00;29;26;19
Speaker 2
Right? Putting my head down.

00;29;26;19 - 00;30;01;24
Speaker 1
Right. And then and then the level, the level one would have been more of that again. Yeah, right. Nobody ever listens to me. Fine. Do what you want, you know, type of thing. So you can just see how we can relate this to, you know, the business world and leadership. Because how are we responding if we have a an employee who is brave enough to come to us when we've asked them to do something and they're brave enough to say, yes, I see you and I hear you and I will get to that, and I've got this other thing.

00;30;01;24 - 00;30;25;15
Speaker 1
Is it okay if I do it? Then? Right. And when we come then from those lower levels. No, I told you to do this. Go do it. Right. I mean, what is the damage that's being created at the same time, the opportunity and coming exactly the way that we you know, we're responding of, you know, yeah, like I need this to get done because we've got these clients coming in.

00;30;26;16 - 00;30;29;28
Speaker 1
But as soon as you know, so whatever you get with.

00;30;30;01 - 00;30;30;11
Speaker 2
Having.

00;30;30;24 - 00;30;54;20
Speaker 3
So it's there, that's that's when we have to really be focused on curiosity. Right? So the question might be, okay, well, I have a priority. You have a priority. Can you maybe I need to have a conversation with the person just to make sure that I can put that conversation off, because that's possible. But your company is definitely coming, so I need to be aware of where to where's the give and take.

00;30;54;20 - 00;31;11;24
Speaker 3
Right? But that can't happen. The give and take in that level five win win can't happen unless we are compassionate and curious enough. Yeah, and I know we kind of want to wrap this up, so let's touch on level six and seven and then we'll kind of go a little deeper in six and seven, maybe in episode eight.

00;31;12;06 - 00;31;13;18
Speaker 2
You're on. Great.

00;31;13;22 - 00;31;14;21
Speaker 3
So here we are.

00;31;14;21 - 00;31;38;05
Speaker 2
You know, I think as we kind of wrap up too, because I love this conversation, I think and Wendy, you brought it up. I think as leaders, you have to understand that most people are not going to say no. So if you're not curious and if you're not asking compelling questions, what's going to happen is you're going to get what you want.

00;31;39;09 - 00;32;04;02
Speaker 2
So you're emotionally you're in a good spot because the person didn't have the courage to maybe outline what was going on with them. You just caused this ripple on the other side because, you know, a lot of times I've been here 33 years and my business cards as CEO, I've never felt like that. But but that doesn't mean that other people don't look at me that way.

00;32;04;03 - 00;32;22;03
Speaker 2
So if I ask somebody to do something, they're probably going to jump. If if I don't ask them, like, hey, is there anything in your way from doing this? That's a good question. Anything in your way or because one of the things that we do as people is we don't understand the difference between urgent and important.

00;32;23;07 - 00;32;25;16
Speaker 3
Oh, we need so many things urgent. Oh. Oh.

00;32;25;29 - 00;32;28;27
Speaker 2
It's just it's unbelievable what we make urgent.

00;32;29;07 - 00;32;31;03
Speaker 1
It's imperative to get to the important.

00;32;31;18 - 00;32;33;00
Speaker 2
Yep, yep, yep.

00;32;33;00 - 00;32;34;09
Speaker 3
Putting out fires all the time.

00;32;34;18 - 00;32;35;12
Speaker 2
Thank you. Being able to.

00;32;35;24 - 00;32;37;00
Speaker 3
To be strategic, right?

00;32;37;11 - 00;32;40;06
Speaker 2
Yeah. Perfect.

00;32;40;14 - 00;33;06;13
Speaker 3
So level six, this is that space of a very subtle nuance between five and six, but very vastly different in in practicality of it. So it's the languages we always win. And so in the we always win, this is where every experience, regardless of how traumatic or challenging it might be, we see the gift, we see the opportunity to learn and grow.

00;33;07;05 - 00;33;31;00
Speaker 3
And when we can look and observe from that lens, that's your lens. Scott That's the ability to say, Okay, you know what? I'm just this sucks right now. I'm going to embrace it. No reason to stay low and feeling helpless or hopeless. I'm observing the fact that internally I might feel that way, but I'm going to have a conscious choice to come and put a smile on right now.

00;33;31;05 - 00;33;39;03
Speaker 3
Not faking it, but because it feels better. Because I know there's an opportunity here for me to see that if I show.

00;33;39;03 - 00;33;39;12
Speaker 2
Up.

00;33;42;20 - 00;33;47;05
Speaker 3
And I present myself with a beautiful smile today, then that's going to exude some level.

00;33;47;05 - 00;33;48;10
Speaker 2
Of love.

00;33;48;14 - 00;33;52;29
Speaker 3
That somebody else needs. And that's a gift.

00;33;53;18 - 00;33;57;00
Speaker 2
Mm hmm.

00;33;57;00 - 00;34;19;29
Speaker 3
Energy is powerful, so that ability to really, in that level, suck space, observe. This is me. I can't get out of bed today. I just need to be okay with that. This is me feeling, like, really frustrated by the situation. All right, so then what do I need to do about it? That's me stepping on that level for a bridge, a step over a level three.

00;34;19;29 - 00;34;36;18
Speaker 3
I don't need to go on level three. What's. What do I need to do about it? What are the questions? And I ask myself, what are the questions? I need to ask this person? What are the questions that are emerging from this situation? You know, what's the truth here? What do I learning?

00;34;36;18 - 00;34;55;15
Speaker 1
It's so important that you're sharing this piece of it, because, again, there's just such a what misconception that, you know, the higher level of the energy that we have in that place that we're coming from is that, you know, we don't have a bad day or we're never sad or whatever. And, you know, the the the core emotion in this is joy.

00;34;55;15 - 00;35;27;18
Speaker 1
And joy is different than happiness. Right? Joy is a deeper way of being that no matter what is happening around us, we can pull from that. And we it's, you know, knowing that everything is is going to be and then it's coming from that higher level of wisdom. Right. And, you know, putting our wisdom really into action, I think, because this if we call out the title of this, it's the visionary.

00;35;27;18 - 00;35;34;22
Speaker 1
So do we want to go into advantages and challenges or do we want to wrap up maybe and then and then talk about that next time?

00;35;34;25 - 00;35;35;23
Speaker 2
I think let's.

00;35;36;02 - 00;35;41;10
Speaker 3
Let's drop a little tease here. Boom.

00;35;41;10 - 00;36;10;10
Speaker 1
Either that's what we're going to be talking about next time. And and, you know, just so thankful for this energy leadership work and Bruce Snyder and all that he did for this this body of work and for all of us, especially as coaches, what an incredible tool that we get to use. And so just think about the levels we've talked about going a little deeper within yourselves and how does that show up for you and how are you called to, you know, be more in that space of energy?

00;36;10;10 - 00;36;15;08
Speaker 1
What does that do for you and what does that do for the world? And with that, we'll see you next time.

00;36;15;25 - 00;36;22;08
Speaker 2
Awesome. Thanks, guys. I appreciate you know what I learned. So I learned something from the two of you every single time. Grateful.

00;36;22;14 - 00;36;25;19
Speaker 3
That's fine. I learned, too. So that's what this is all about.

00;36;25;23 - 00;36;27;15
Speaker 1
Yes. Thanks. Thanks, Scott. Thanks, Karen.

00;36;27;22 - 00;36;28;24
Speaker 3
Merry Christmas, everyone.

00;36;29;03 - 00;36;30;06
Speaker 1
Yes, merry Christmas.


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